Sunday, June 19, 2011

My First Father's Day without my Dad

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotion for me. Wading through grief with a heart overflowing with thankfulness for the time we had, and the memories that I'll always have.

I am not writing this for pity. Don't want you to feel sorry for me. Not sure if anyone really reads it much anyway... just writing because I'm aching to do something for my Daddy and hating the fact that there is nothing I can give him on this special day... save a little tribute on my blog, and a Father's Day card addressed to "Heaven." I miss him so much sometimes it takes my breath away. He is such and amazing man and it really hurts that my little boys will have to take my word for it. At least I have pictures. :) If this isn't just the most adoring "Poppie" there ever was...

I'm sure this year will be chock-full of "firsts" without my sweet Dad. My first birthday without him, his first birthday without us, the first 4th of July without visiting him, first Thanksgiving... don't even want to think about Christmas. But today I'm going to try and remember all my "firsts" that I was blessed to have him by my side through... first horse rides, first loves, break-ups, graduations, engagement, marriage, babies, homes... so many "firsts" that he was able to share with me. I am so grateful.

And it gives me a little consolation, especially because of how freshly I am missing him today... that he gets to spend his first Father's Day in a loooong time with his Dad. It's been over 30 years. I'm sure they're having a wonderful time together, and I'm very happy for them... very grateful that families are forever.

And also very grateful to this man...

... what an amazing, sweet, gentle, and fun Daddy he is. Couldn't have dreamed up a better husband. Happy Father's Day!

P.S. If you are fortunate enough to have your Dad still with you here on Earth... make sure you tell them what they mean to you, how they've helped shape your life, how much you love them. Every day, certainly not just today. And give them a big, loooonnng hug, for me. ;) Because what I'd give to be able to do that again right now.